Don’t avoid asking the hard questions, or put off telling your caregiver with advance notice that you can no longer maintain their full-time job when your child starts school. Create an environment in which your caregiver feels comfortable talking to you about issues that relate to their job satisfaction/plans. The more mutual trust and respect you and your nanny share, the better you will be able to work together to help your child prepare for a transition. Look to groups like the National Domestic Workers Alliance for ethical employer guidelines, such as terms around notice of resignation or job termination. A written contract that is respectful to both parties should be followed. Employers and childcare workers should be clear about their expectations. If unresolved, this type of “baggage” may bubble up and lead to unrealistic expectations and more disruptive transitions if a nanny has to leave. Assess your “baggage." Common forces that complicate parent/nanny dynamics include: guilt about leaving your kids, anger at your job for unaccommodating policies, resentment at your spouse around feeling financially unsupported or otherwise, fear that your child will love the nanny more than you, and trauma from your own childhood experiences of caregiver abandonment or neglect.The following may be helpful to assess the health of your relationship, and, if necessary, prepare for separation: In general, but especially around the additional stress of a nanny’s departure, it is important for parents and nannies to reflect on their dynamic.
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